


All I Want for Christmas is You

by notnowcommander



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Holiday fluffiness, Sweet babies in christmas sweaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:37:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5375450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notnowcommander/pseuds/notnowcommander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard and Kaidan can't wait to spend their first Christmas together after the war, with Kaidan teasing of big plans. However, shuttle travel and giant snowstorms have other ideas for their holiday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Shepard folded the last of her sweaters and stuffed them into her suitcase, pressing down to make sure everything would fit. They’d already had to move Kaidan’s hair products into her bag because his was stuffed to the brim and hardly zippered. She had to wonder what other rearranging they’d have to take care of so he could pack an extra flannel shirt, or another pair of shoes. She never really expected her boyfriend to be the more difficult packer in the group.

What she really should have asked for for Christmas was a new set of suitcases because these were far too tiny. Shepard wasn’t expecting this to be her life, after years of nothing but uniforms, here she found herself in possession of way too many sweaters and pairs of leggings. Part of her was expecting to just keep wearing uniforms out of habit, even when she was on shore leave. But chaos had struck in the form of soft, fuzzy sweaters.

She pushed down and pulled the zipper around the edge of the suitcase, and sighed, plopping herself on the ground at the edge of their bed. She shut her eyes for a moment and pulled herself to her feet. She would definitely be making Kaidan take that one down the stairs, or at least float it biotically down to the lower level of the apartment.

She stood up and smoothed out her hair, and glanced to her bathroom counter. Her makeup bag was still there. Not in a suitcase. She groaned.

“Dammit.”

She retrieved the bag, and headed to the suitcase. She carefully unzipped it, and a pair of warm socks, a beanie, and one of Kaidan’s overpriced hair combs popped out onto the floor. She jammed the makeup bag into the suitcase and pushed down with all her weight. Years ago, this would have been a walk in the park, but her stamina reserves and strength were still on the mend.

The suitcase zipped and she stood up. She was not going to look at it again or deal with it until Kaidan came home. Life might have been a little easier living out of a foot locker. Her ability to consolidate was clearly compromised now.

Downstairs, the door opened up, and Kaidan stepped inside.

“I’m back,” he said.

“I’m upstairs in our room!” she shouted, climbing to her feet. She looked over the railing of the apartment and he slipped his boots off and headed for the stairs, slowly still. He winced at first, but made his way up to the upper level. Doctor Chakwas had urged him to continue wearing his light knee brace for their trip, since she wouldn’t be there to fix him up if he did anything stupid. He’d bitched and moaned and asserted he was fine, but sure enough, he had his on underneath his worn jeans.

Something was off about him though, and his hands were shaky from some other reason than the cold. His face was tight and his expressions felt slightly forced.

“Oh man, you did it,” he teased, looking at the closed suitcase.

She smiled. “I did.”

He reached for her hands and pulled her close to him. She slid her arms around his shoulders and stood on her toes to kiss him. He held onto her waist, steadying them both. For just a moment, he faded back into himself, happy and carefree, and excited to finally spend a vacation together. She pressed her body against his, and something in his jacket crinkled. His eyes went wide and he backed away.

“What’s this?” she said, patting the object inside his jacket.

He stepped away really quickly and swallowed. “Uh, well, nothing.”

Shepard narrowed her eyes. “Just random trash still in your coat?”

He nodded. “... yeah.”

She smirked. “Alright, fine. Be secretive.”

“It’s not a secret,” he defended.

Shepard nodded, stepping away. “Okay.”

He frowned. “Shepard, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. C’mere, baby.”

Shepard inched closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck again. He held her close and placed his hands on her waist. She kissed the corner of his mouth, since it was as much as she could reach, until he tilted his head down to take her in completely. She brushed against the crinkly item in his jacket again and pulled away.

“Whatever it is, it’s crinkly.”

He sighed. “Fine, you got me. It’s the receipts from my wild affair. An illicit romance with steak.”

She smiled and bit her lip. “I knew it.”

He squeezed her close to him and kissed her forehead. “I’m kidding. How could I ever want anyone else when I have you?”

Shepard stroked his strong cheekbone with her thumb and shook her head. “I don’t know. You do have it pretty damn good.”

“I do.”

Kaidan carefully eased his jacket off his shoulders and placed it over the banister. He scooped her into his arms and carried her over to their bed. He set her down gently, a hand at the back of her head, and eased himself over her. She grabbed a handful of his slightly dorky holiday sweater and tugged him closer.

“You look so handsome in normal clothes.”

He blushed and reached for one of her hands. She’d thought he was handsome and strapping since the first time they met, so collected and professional, thick and messy curls pushed out of his face with god knows how much hair gel, clean shaven with just the slightest traces of stubble on his cheeks, and damn could he fill out a uniform.

But since the end of the war, she’d grown to love seeing him in simple clothes, often a sweater and jeans, or a button down shirt and slacks for important meetings. His hair had grown out and he’d become less particular about styling it back, and less quick to shave when his 5 o’clock shadow rolled around. There was something free about it, knowing he had nobody to keep up an appearance for anymore. And while when the Alliance called for meetings or briefings, he put on his dress blues and slipped back into soldier mode, he was a human first, for the first time in a long time.

Kaidan kissed the back of her palm. “And you look beautiful no matter what.”

“Rude,” she muttered. “Now you’re just trying to one up me, aren’t you?”

He smiled. “Maybe.”

She pulled him on top of her and rolled him over, kissing his neck, soft tiny kisses that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He sighed and shivered, arching his back and pressing their bodies closer together. She ran her hands under his sweater, chilly fingers against his warm skin. He twitched, cursing softly under his breath.

“Shit, that is cold. Put some gloves on.”

She giggled, feathering his jawline with more kisses. “Never.”

Kaidan moved his hands up her body, tightening his grip when he reached her breast, groping through her soft red sweater. She wallowed, opening her mouth to let his tongue slide against hers. She pulled him between her legs, and drew her hands to his hair, weaving her fingers between locks of black curls.

Shepard pressed her hips against his, rolling them against his body. He moaned into her mouth, something so soft and sexy. She pulled away from his lips for a moment to catch her breath. He guided her lips back to his with a soft “no, no, no”, and entwined his fingers with his against his chest.

Kaidan gave her one long, hypnotizing kiss, one that took her breath away. It was amazing to her that even years of being together, he could still kiss her and knock her off her feet, and give her love that was so satisfying she felt like she was going to explode.

He turned on his side, draping an arm over her, and pressing his forehead to hers. “Hey.”

She held onto him back with a scrunchy nosed smile. “Hey.”

“I love you, so much,” he whispered. “And I’m so happy we get the chance to do this.”

It was going to be their first Christmas together, not spent on a ship or in a hospital recovering. It was the first year that they could be humans, going home for the holiday to see his parents with a Christmas dinner and decorations and mistletoe. It made her feel real, and the reality of it was just beginning to sink in.

“Our first Christmas.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’m happy too.”

He traced his thumb against the curve of her bottom lip. Sometimes when he looked at her, she felt her breath catch in her throat and her heart skip a beat. She just knew she was so lucky to have someone like him loving her through everything.

“We deserve it, baby, we so do.”

It had been planned for a while, going home to Vancouver for the holiday. They were leaving very soon, and the trip would take nearly a day, and they’d be home just in time for Christmas Eve. Kaidan had the travel itinerary memorized to a scary degree. Kaidan had always been precise, but this was something new entirely. He was almost obsessive.

“We should get going though, shouldn’t we?” she said.

He nodded. “Yeah, baby. Why don’t you head downstairs and I’ll finish putting my bag together, and I’ll get your bags?”

“It’s okay-,” she began.

“No, really. I’ve got it. Meet you downstairs?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Well… okay.”

She headed downstairs, and waited for him on the couch. She heard him shuffling about and making sure he had everything. Shepard heard the soft hum of biotics from the top of the stairs and saw both suitcases floating down to the lower level. Kaidan moved down the stairs and into their living room, examining the surroundings for anything he might have missed.

“You know, even if we did leave something behind, I don’t think there’s even a small bit of room for it in the bags.”

He pointed a finger at her. “Oh please, I could make it work.”

She smiled. “I don’t want you to interpret that as a challenge, so let’s get the hell out of here before you try to shove a blender into our bags.”

Kaidan’s jaw dropped, amused and wounded. “Wow, okay then.”

She grabbed his hands and pulled him into her again, pressing her lips to his nose. He squeezed his eyes shut and smiled, wrapping his arms around her.

“Just wait, another day or two, and I’ll be following you around with mistletoe.”

“Well, I could think of worse things than having to kiss you.”

Several minutes later, they arrived at the spaceport on the Citadel, among the bustle of people trying to catch shuttles back to their homeworlds, most of them human. Sometimes the aliens would celebrate human holidays, just out of sentiment, but travel madness before Christmas was definitely a human thing.

Kaidan took Shepard’s hand and pulled her closer to the Asari working the desk. He’d booked their passage back to Earth months ago, and kindly pushed through the crowds of people looking for last minute tickets. Shepard nearly stumbled trying to trudge her suitcase through the station.

“Hi, I have two tickets to Vancouver. Under Alenko. They told me to get these at the terminal when I arrived at the station.”

The Asari gave a curt smile and looked up. “Aha, yes Major. Your tickets are here. However, I do have to inform you of a change to your travel plans.”

Kaidan’s face dropped. His skin went slightly pale. “What?”

Shepard reached for his hand and brushed her thumb against the back of his palm.

“I’m afraid that the shuttle cannot take you to Vancouver. Due to dangerous storms in North America over the next few days, no shuttle will be passing any further than the New York City area. My sincerest apologies, Major.”

Shepard grabbed Kaidan’s hand tighter and tried to divert his attention. Shepard took the tickets from the booth and watched as Kaidan paced away from them.

“Kaidan!” she shouted, over the dull roar of hundreds of impatient and unprepared humans.

He turned back for a second, looking as if he was going to be sick. He pulled the collar of his shirt away and fanned himself with it, and rubbed his forehead with the other hand. “Shit… god, um… Shepard, I think I need a moment.”

The Asari cleared her throat. “Is… is he going to be okay?”

Shepard glanced back for a moment, and then redirected her attention to Kaidan sitting with his head in his knees in one of the chairs by the docking gates.

“Uh… good question,” Shepard replied. “I really don’t know what’s going on with him.”

The Asari smiled. “Okay, Commander. Safe travels!”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard stepped out of line, pulling the suitcases with her, and took a seat beside Kaidan. She’d dealt with him in some bad situations before. His migraines were never pretty, but those consisted mostly of fitful sleeping and him quietly and politely requesting scalp massages and lots of tea. Even days where the war caught up with him and he couldn’t look at the world the way he normally would, he shook himself off and reminded himself there were things to be happy about. Kaidan was a very put together person. He had his moments, but he recovered quickly. It was who he was.

However, this… Shepard honestly didn’t know what this was or why he was freaking out. He ran his fingers through his curls and sucked in a deep breath. She could tell that he was breaking into an aggressive sweat, and his knee was bouncing erratically. She had to figure it was something other than flight delays. They’d had their ship grounded while trying to save the galaxy from annihilation and he handled that better than this. Hell, his pickup lines had even gotten better during that flight delay.

“Um…” she started. “Kaidan?”

“Shepard, this is horrible. We need to get to Earth. We need to get to Vancouver. Now.”

“Now?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Now.”

“Look, baby, even if things had gone according to plan, that wouldn’t be an option. Hey,” she said, sliding between his legs. She pressed her hands to his thighs and nudged his face up with her head. “It’s going to be okay.”

He shook his head. “No, no it won’t. Shepard, we need to be in Vancouver on Christmas Eve.”

She nodded. “Okay, baby, then we will. It might take some improvising. However, we need to be safe. If the shuttle won’t take us there, I’m sure there’s a good reason.”

Kaidan crossed his arms, hands still shaking. He shook his head again, angry. “No, that’s bullshit. I’m Canadian. I can get us there.”

Shepard swallowed and looked around. An elderly Salarian couple was glancing their direction, ushering each other toward a shuttle, probably to Sur’Kesh. Shepard was willing to bet friggen Sur’Kesh didn’t have snow storms at the moment. Probably everywhere in the galaxy was free of snow at a moment like this, all to gather in front of their flight path.

“I thought you said Vancouver had mild winters.”

“I’m still Canadian,” he mumbled.

Shepard ruffled her fingers through his hair. “That you are. Come on. Let’s go talk to the nice Asari lady and have her help us figure out an alternate plan, baby.”

Kaidan bit down on his lip, now looking more sad than frustrated. She wondered what kind of plans, what kind of special things he’d had up his sleeve for them to do that might not happen now. She carefully pulled him back to his feet and took him in her arms. He rested his head on top of hers and sighed, holding her tightly.

“Whatever it takes, we’ll get there. And we’re going to have the best damn Christmas no matter what. You know why?” she said.

“Why?”

She stepped away, keeping her arms wrapped around his shoulders. He gave her a weak half smile and squeezed her tighter. “Because I have you. What matters is that we’re together.”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

She leaned forward again, pressing her lips to his. He kissed back lightly and briefly. She stroked her thumb against his cheek and kissed the tip of his nose. He shut his eyes for just a moment.

“Just breathe. We’re going to get home. I promise.”

Kaidan took in a deep breath and sighed. “I trust you.”

“Good. You should know by now to never doubt me.”

He smiled, a full, real smile. “Oh, I do. Hey…”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

She smiled back, kissing his nose one more time. “And I love you.”

Shepard took his hand and lead him back to the desk, where they waited in line for another few minutes as the same Asari desk clerk helped several disgruntled Krogan find their shuttle confirmation number, informed the Hanar that this one’s baggage was overweight and they would need to either redistribute their items, or pay a fine. The Hanar responded with confusion, and was quickly ushered to the customer service desk.

“Hi,” Shepard said. “We’re back. Since our travel plans are a little hindered, what is our alternative?”

The Asari gave her a polite smile and nodded. “I have several shuttles leaving for Earth, as far as New York for now within the next couple of hours. Can I interest you in one of those?”

Kaidan gasped. “Wait, Cortez! Can we call Cortez? He could get us to Vancouver.”

Shepard shook her head. “No, he’s already on Earth.”

“Damn.”

“Are there any private shuttles?” Shepard asked.

The Asari swallowed. Shepard narrowed her eyes. “I’m sorry, ma’am, none.”

“None?” Shepard sneered.

“Okay,” the Asari whispered. “One shuttle leaving here in about an hour. It’s a luxury shuttle that will take you to Earth. Except it’s going to bring you to New Jersey, rather than New York.”

“New Jersey? What’s a New Jersey?” Shepard asked.

“It’s a state,” Kaidan said. “Never been. Was always a little afraid to be honest. That’s fine, ma’am. We’ll take it.”

The Asari happily transferred them their boarding passes, and both their Omni-tools pinged. She greeted the next customer as Shepard and Kaidan slid out of the way.

“Hello, sir,” she said.

Shepard pulled the suitcase out of the way, but remained in earshot of the conversation.

“Oh, oh no no, sir, Ryncol is very flammable and I’m afraid it’s not allowed in your carry on.”

The Krogan grunted. “So you mean to say I have to drink it all right here?”

The Asari hesitated. The Krogan reached into his bag and pulled out a full bottle of Ryncol. The Asari - and Kaidan - both gasped, as he started chugging the entire bottle down right before the desk. No one in the vicinity really knew what to say at all.

Shepard took Kaidan’s hand and started guiding him away from the madness, as two C-Sec guards closed in on the Krogan.

“Sir, you’d better not cause any incidents with that…”

Down by the docking bay, Shepard found their shuttle, and the two of them lugged their bags on. It was a lot nicer than the Kodiak or any other military shuttles. Shepard was certainly pleased that if they had a long trek to Earth, they’d at least be riding in somewhat comfort. It was better than their other accommodations to Vancouver. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. The only hard part was convincing Kaidan of such.

The shuttle had a nice small couch and more traditional seats along the side. Kaidan put his suitcase in the overhead compartment and took a seat on the couch. He pulled his head into his hands, fingers gently kneading the spot behind his amp and sucked in a deep breath. Shepard joined him and crossed her legs over his. He drew a hand to her thigh and sighed.

“Headache setting in?” she asked.

He nodded. “Yeah, just a headache though. Won’t be too horrible.”

She pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Good.”

“We have to figure out how we’re supposed to get from here to Vancouver once we land,” he said.

She nodded. “I know, but we have time.”

He rolled his eyes in frustration. “Shepard, no we don’t. We touch down in… New Jersey… or whatever, and then we have to leave. We don’t know how long that trek is going to take.”

Shepard furrowed her brows. “Kaidan, we still have another two days before Christmas Eve. It’s going to be okay. I doubt that the storm will go on that long.”

“I just want it to be special,” he said sadly.

She pulled him closer. “I already told you. It’s special if I’m with you. Come on, baby, you look exhausted. Get some rest and we’ll be there in no time.”

Kaidan sighed, and nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Kaidan slid between her legs and rested his head against her chest as she held him close to her. She drew her hands to the back of his head and massaged tiny circles against his head. He breathed her in, and she could feel that he was tense, and upset, but him beating himself up over it wasn’t going to help any of them very much.

Shepard kissed the top of his head, and waited as he fell asleep in her arms. It didn’t take her long before she did the same.

***

Kaidan woke up hours later, and checked the time on his omni-tool. They’d been flying for a couple of hours now, and there was still a bit to go. He was still in Shepard’s arms, but the dull ache of his headache was beginning to subside. He still couldn’t see completely straight, and his hair was undoubtedly a mess. There was even a tiny bit of drool on her sweater. But she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she was so peacefully asleep.

When he got up, he made sure to lie her down, pulling a blanket over her body and letting her rest. And for just a moment, he could forget how angry and frustrated he was because she was just too damn beautiful.

Sometimes he thought she was most beautiful when she was asleep. Not only because it was rare, but because it was Shepard being human. Her needing sleep proved that she was a person, and that she needed to mend and repair as anyone else would. Her hair would be in disarray, and now most of the time, her face completely content and relaxed. During the war, her stress would clearly carry itself through to her sleep, and it would be fitful and terrible to watch, and harder to cope with when she woke up in tears, remembering the people they’d lost and those they still had to lose.

But now, she was so peaceful that he couldn’t help but smile. For just a moment, he bent down on his knees next to her and kissed the side of her head. She hardly stirred, even when he pushed a few strands of fiery hair out of her face. If she weren’t sleeping so happily, he’d probably go on to kiss all of her freckles too. It had only taken one night of drinking together back on the SR1 for her to confess that she had always been self-conscious about them, after a child on Mindoir called her “spots” as a kid. He made it an extra point to always let her know how much he loved them after that.

“I love you so much,” he whispered, kissing her one more time before stepping away to place a call.

He dialed his mom, and had an answer almost immediately. As expected, she answered with complete cheer, and told him she would get his father on the line as well. To which he responded that dad probably wouldn’t want to be bothered while the Canucks were playing. But of course, not a minute later, they were both on the line.

“Have you left yet, baby?” she asked.

“We have,” he said, keeping his voice low, “but we’re in a bit of a situation here. It seems that there’s a giant ass snowstorm in the middle of our flight path, and we don’t know how to get through it.”

“Oh boy,” his dad muttered.

“This shuttle is dropping us off in New Jersey, and we have to figure out where to go from there.”

“Hmm,” his mother hummed, “Could you take a train?”

“Maybe. I’m just… I’m worried about the timing. We’re cutting it close now. I didn’t anticipate that we’d have this kind of issue. I guess I’m just so used to being able to fly through the impossible that I don’t know how to deal with plain old commercial flight delays.”

“Not everyone is that Joker guy,” his dad commented.

“Clearly. I just… god I had so much planned and it all feels ruined now. If I can’t get there on Christmas Eve-.”

“Kaidan, don’t you think Shepard will understand?”

“I know she will. It’s me that I’m concerned about. I’d been planning this for months, and I couldn’t wait to spend my first Christmas with her, and now it’s all gone to shit!”

“It’s still Christmas even if you aren’t exactly where you planned to be. And Shepard will understand, baby. I’m sure she’s just happy to be with you, whatever comes your way.”

He groaned, and heard Shepard shift slightly. “It’s just… it’s not the same.”

“Would being here one day later than you planned be the end of the world?”

He swallowed his tears and frustration and shook his head, but it didn’t feel like it was helping him. “No.”

“Good, baby. Get home safely,” she said, “that’s what matters. You two need to be careful. Don’t do anything stupid to get here. Everything will be as you want it whenever you arrive. I promise.”

He sighed. “Alright. Love you.”

He signed off the call and bent down next to Shepard again, kissing the side of her head. The shuttle was beginning to set down, and Shepard was horrible at waking up. It often took tons of small kisses and snuggling to get her ready to wake up.

“Shepard, baby,” he whispered.

She groaned and rolled over, rubbing her eyes. “Are we there?”

He wanted to say “Yeah, we’re home”, but they were still so far from home, and no clue what their next step would be.

“Yeah, we’re about to land.”

She sat up, slowly, and wobbled into him. She mumbled something he couldn’t make out and held her close. Shepard reached out for him and curled her arms around his body. Kaidan shifted her up and helped her fix her hair and grab her boots.

The pilot chimed over the intercom. “Arriving in five minutes.”

***

“You’ve never ice skated before?” Kaidan teased, lacing up his skates.

It was Shepard’s suggestion, after they arrived and it turned out that they wouldn’t be able to catch another flight until tomorrow morning… to Chicago. Kaidan had nearly had a conniption fit when no airline or shuttle would take them all the way to Vancouver. She knew they had to do something nice to get his mind off of it. Something Christmas-y.

“No,” she said, wobbling a little in hers.

“Then, you’re in luck,” he replied, standing on his.

After arriving in New Jersey, they quickly took a shuttle into New York City to stay for the night, and get something enjoyable in for the evening. And when Kaidan saw the open ice rink in the middle of the city, Shepard didn’t know how to say no.

“Just when I think you couldn’t get anymore Canadian.”

He laughed. “C’mon, Shepard. I played hockey as a kid. I was pretty damn good at it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Alright, then you’re in charge of making sure I don’t fall on my ass.”

Kaidan took her hand and leaned in for a kiss. “I would never let anything happen to my girl.”

Shepard leaned in and ended up falling forward, into him. He caught her and smiled, then kissed her. All was well.

He guided her to the rink and helped her onto the ice. At first, she was convinced that she was going to die. Even walking with mag boots felt more natural than this. She reached for the side of the rink and gripped it for dear life.

“Come on,” he said, “hold my hands and I’ll help you.”

Shepard gave him her hands and let him lead her forward. Her skates slid against the smooth ice, and she was suddenly very glad that there were so few people here. There were fewer people to see the first human Spectre falling on her ass and almost being taken out by frozen over water after surviving the end of the world. Excellent.

Kaidan pulled her around the edge of the rink, letting her hold on whenever she panicked and wanted to go slow. He had a dorky smile on his face the entire time, but she didn’t make fun of him for it or give him a hard time for teasing her. He’d had a long day, and seeing him smile brought her enough joy as is.

“Alright, now it’s time to go on your own,” he said.

“Oh, no,” she objected. “Hell no.”

“Come on, Shepard. It’s not that bad. You can do it. If you can headbutt a Krogan, you can do this.”

She took in a deep breath and slid herself forward slightly, and swung her arms to carry herself further, but instead, found herself flapping them for help and falling quickly back to the ice. She felt the hum of biotics underneath her, and Kaidan quickly grabbed her hand.

“Easy there,” he teased, laughing. She could see his breath, little puffs of white leaving his lips. It was the perfect compliment to his sweet rosy red cheeks. He pulled her back to her feet and she gripped him.

“Damn.”

“It takes practice. Like all things.”

Shepard crossed her arms. “Uh, no way. There are plenty of things I’m good at on the first try.”

He smiled. “Well, baby, I don’t think that skating is one of them.”

Shepard looked up at the sky, where small flecks of white began to fall. She knew there was a chance of flurries tonight, and part of her was thrilled. She knew Kaidan might have a minor heart attack, but she’d never seen Earth snow before. This was a first for her.

“Kaidan!”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Snow!”

He groaned for a moment. “Good, more snow.”

“But it’s just a little bit. It’s just a tiny bit, and it’s pretty.”

He softened, leaning against the edge of the ice rink. He smiled, eyes warm and loving, as he watched her stick her tongue out to try and catch a few snowflakes in her mouth. She glanced back at him.

“You try.”

“I’m having fun watching you, sweet heart.”

Shepard looked down at her feet, and carefully slid herself over to him. She wobbled, but she fortunately wobbled into him and he caught her. She tilted his head down and pressed her lips against his. His face was cold but his lips were warm, and she’d never grow tired of the taste and she would never love someone the way she loved him.

He pulled her closer, balancing her against him and kissed her again, and again under the soft snowfall.

Maybe, just maybe, this trip wasn’t going to be nearly as much of a disaster as it seemed.

**  
  
**


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard woke up against Kaidan’s shoulder as the shuttle pilot let them know they were touching down in Chicago. His sweater was soft and he was warm as ever, but she could tell he was tense as ever, even while asleep. She sat up, and leaned over, kissing him on the head. She reached down and wrapped her fingers in his.

“We there?” he mumbled.

“Yeah, we are.”

He rubbed his eyes and glanced out the window. He’d slept through most of the turbulence, so he was certainly shocked to see the amount of snow on the ground in Chicago. He let out a pained whimper and looked back at Shepard.

“God.”

“We’ll figure it out when we get on the ground, baby,” she said, “I promise. Just relax.”

He nodded, but she definitely sensed that he wasn’t believing it.

They departed the shuttle and headed for the nearest customer service kiosk they could find. A woman, who looked like she had one of the longest work days possible, looked up at them and straightened up. 

“Hi, ma’am,” Kaidan started. “My girlfriend and I are looking to get to Vancouver, by tomorrow. We’ve had some horrible travel luck, so I’m really getting kind of desperate. You see, we  _ have  _ to be there by tomorrow. It’s life or death.”

The portly woman looked up and grumbled. “Is it?”

Kaidan nodded, breaking a sweat. “Uh, yeah.”

“Sir, do you see the weather outside?”

“Unfortunately, yes, I do. But you see, we’re in the military. Spectres actually. My name is Major - also Spectre - Kaidan Alenko, and this is Commander - Spectre as well - Jane Shepard. We are kind of important.”

Shepard bit down on her lip. This was an entirely new, and very shameless level of desperation that she couldn’t believe she had to watch. She was about to pretend she didn’t know him.

“Sir, I don’t care who you are.”

“Most people do,” he argued.

Shepard gasped and looked away. She was not going to make eye contact with this woman. This was almost definitely going to end up on some awful tabloid show. She could see the headlines now: Spectre Hissy Fit on Earth, or First Two Human Spectres Arrested for Belligerence.

“Well, I’m not most people. It’s a safety precaution, Spectre. We can’t just fly shuttles in the middle of a snow storm.”

“But you landed ours.”

“Yes, there was a break in the snow and you got lucky you didn’t get diverted to Minnesota.”

Kaidan looked down and thought for a moment. “I mean, at least we’d be closer to the right country. Sorry, ma’am, but look there has to be someone here who will fly us to Vancouver? Right?”

“No.”

“Okay, you know what? You didn’t even  _ try  _ to think about that one. This is not very good customer service. I’m hardly even getting refunded for these tickets. Just racking up more expenses, and the Council will  _ not  _ be happy to hear about this.”

The woman typed in something to her terminal and waited. She sighed. “I can maybe fly you out tomorrow morning.”

“Maybe?” Kaidan snapped. “Maybe? I need us to be there by tomorrow night. I will do whatever it takes to get us there, and I’m serious!”

“Me too, sir. I will book both you and Ms. Shepard on the earliest flight out tomorrow, but I will warn you that our systems will be haywire and we might have to delay you.”

Shepard reached for his hand and squeezed it. That was all they could do. There were no other options. He had to accept that.

“That’s fine. Thank you, ma’am,” she said.

Kaidan glanced at her, looking all too upset. They’d settle it once they were alone, probably cooped up in a hotel room to discuss what their next plan was. They took their tickets, and the woman directed them to the sky car line, where they hailed one to their hotel. They didn’t speak the entire ride, and she could tell that Kaidan was close to losing his cool. She reached a hand out and held onto him, but his biotics flared for just a moment, small and almost unnoticeable, but he was using his last legs to keep himself together.

They set their bags down in their bed and Kaidan took a seat on the edge, cradling his head in his hands. Shepard took a seat next to him, and slid a hand to his thigh. He sighed hard and looked up.

“Okay.”

“We’re going to get there. We will.”

He turned to her. “Sure, of course we will. We’ll get there eventually, but I didn’t spend so much time working and planning this trip just for it to get as screwed up as it is!”

He stood up and paced over to the window.

“Kaidan, this happens sometimes. It’s winter, and snow is going to be an issue. But we just have to be safe. We didn’t survive a damn Reaper war just to die trying to get home for Christmas.”

“When have you ever been that concerned with safety, Shepard?”

She crossed her arms. “Are you kidding me? Look, I’m not the one freaking out in airports because my flight is cancelled or delayed.”

He turned back around. “Why do you keep doing that? Why are you acting like this isn’t a big deal? You keep saying we’ll get there and that everything will be okay, but you don’t know that. You don’t know what I’ve put into this!”

“Last I checked, Vancouver wasn’t going anywhere. Your parents aren’t going anywhere. They’re all going to be there whenever we get there. It’s going to be  _ fine _ .”

“But what about me?” he said, raising his voice. “What about how I feel? What if I can’t feel fine because I’ve waited a really long time, and put a lot into this? Shepard, it’s our first real Christmas together. I wanted it to be special.”

“And it will be! It might just not happen the way you want! There are just some things you can’t control, and you need to deal with that, Kaidan, come on. You’re flipping a shit like some angry soccer mom in airports, and panicking over nothing. You should know better than to not trust me by now.”

Kaidan balled his fists at his sides, and looked away from her. She could tell he was hurt. Not angry, or about to blow up, but just pure hurt. It might have been worse.

“This means a lot to me. I’ve been planning and working so hard to make this so perfect. I know you haven’t had a real Christmas since you were a kid, and I… I just thought maybe now that things have settled down, and we’re both doing okay… maybe you’d… nevermind. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

He reached for his coat and one of the room keys. She grabbed his arm as he tried to head for the door.

“Kaidan, come on. Don’t be like that.”

He shook her off of him. “I need some air. I’ll be back later.”

He pushed past her, visibly shaking and tense, and left. Shepard looked at their empty room and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Shit,” she whispered.

 

He didn’t come home until later that evening. She’d treated herself to room service, and messaged James and Tali for varying viewpoints on Kaidan’s behavior. James said he must have just been really big on Christmas. Tali told her that she should try being a little more sensitive, letting Kaidan know that his worries weren’t invalid. She said she’d seen something similar on Fleet and Flotilla, so it would almost certainly work in real life.

And she’d taken Tali’s advice. When Kaidan returned, she’d ordered him a steak, and a Canadian lager with a shot of whiskey. He stepped through the door and shed his coat, looking exhausted and still upset.

“Hey,” Shepard said.

He didn’t reply right away, but nodded. 

“I didn’t know if you got anything to eat, so I ordered you dinner and a beer.”

A small smile tugged at his lips and he finally made a little bit of eye contact. “Thanks.”

She waited patiently as he ate, toying with things on her omni-tool, trying to distract herself. They still didn’t really talk, and it was still highly awkward, but she was willing to wait until he looked and felt  better. His skin was pale, and he almost looked like he was fighting a migraine off. 

He set his plate aside and finished off his beer, but hesitated before speaking. “Shepard…”

She turned around from the desk in their room and nodded. “Yeah?”

He tilted his head, letting her know he wanted her to come over to the bed. She did as he asked, and crossed her legs in front of him. He didn’t reach over to touch her just yet, but swallowed.

“I’m sorry,” they both muttered at the same time.

They looked up, and smiled awkwardly. Shepard pushed a hair behind her ear.

“I should have realized that this meant a lot to you, Kaidan. Sometimes the fact that I haven’t had the most normal life gets to me, and I forget that just because I don’t understand a thing, doesn’t mean it’s not important. But… I’m looking forward to you showing me that.”

He reached out and took her hands. “And I should stop acting like an idiot. You’re right. We are going to get there, and it’s going to be great. I just need to calm down.”

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Whatever it is you have planned, whatever it is you wild Canadians do for Christmas, I’m ready. And I’m going to love it no matter what because I have you.”

He blushed and looked away for a moment. “Well, thanks.”

“Hey,” she said, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He dipped her chin lower and pulled her lips onto his. She kissed him softly, tiny nips and brushes, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Kaidan leaned back on the bed, letting her slide between his legs. She kissed him deeper, parting her lips and allowing him to taste her even more. He tilted his head back and moaned softly and held her against him. She pulled away for a moment and kissed his nose.

“You know…”

“Uh oh,” he said.

Shepard hit his shoulder. “It never really snowed on Mindoir. Not where I was from. I’ve never seen a White Christmas before. And I always thought it would be sort of nice to watch the snow with you.”

His eyes softened. “You think about that?”

“Well, yeah. Lots of other little dumb things too. I kind of have a list.”

Kaidan sat up and held a hand out for her. He grabbed the large quilt on the edge of their bed and kicked off his boots. “Well, come on then.”

Shepard joined him on the floor under the quilt, where he called for room service to deliver tea and hot chocolate, and they watched the snow.

Kaidan pulled her closer and kissed the side of her head. “I couldn’t imagine spending this ordeal, the good and the bad, with anyone else in the galaxy. I’m so lucky.”

Shepard leaned into him, and let him kiss the top of her head. “I think I am too.”


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard woke when their alarm went off, but didn’t skip the opportunity to roll closer to Kaidan and hold him tighter. She rested her head against his bare chest and kissed the soft skin under her lips. 

After they’d made up, and watched the snow for some time, they’d curled up under the covers, and spent so much of the night talking that they’d lost track of time. Kaidan kept secretive of his plans still, but he happily discussed all the things his mom wanted to do now that she had the two of them together.

He also warned her that his mother would pester them about marriage and babies, and how they need to hurry up and get on it. Shepard told him it would all happen in due time, and he nodded happily. They had time now. That was a brand new privilege. 

“Baby, we’ve got to get going,” she whispered.

She moved on top of him and slid her arms around his shoulders. She pressed warm kisses against his neck, and up his jawline. He shivered and smiled, wrapping his arms around her. 

“Why can’t we just stay here?” he mumbled.

“Oh, man, how the tables have turned,” she teased. “I’m sure there’s nice warm beds up in Vancouver that we can stay in all day. We should just work on getting there first.”

She tilted her head down and pressed a kiss to him. He kissed back hard, rolling her onto her back and hovering over her. She pulled away, leaving their foreheads touching. 

“We have to get moving,” she said.

He nodded. “Fine. We can make up for this later.”

“Okay,” she agreed, offering him one final kiss before he slid out of bed. Shepard paused a moment, watching him stand in front of the mirror and wash his face off. He combed his hair into place, but let several strands fray out. He skipped shaving and sifted through his bag for fresh clothing. He pulled on a pair of worn jeans, and a dark red sweater. Shepard rose from the bed and moved behind him, holding his waist and pressing her head to the center of his back.

“I love you,” she whispered.

He reached behind himself and snuggled her closer. “And god do I love you, sweet heart. Almost there, okay?”

She nodded. “I can’t wait to find out what you have in store.”

He smiled. “I hope you like it, love.”

But there was already no doubt about it in her mind that she would…

 

An hour and a half later, they found themselves standing in front of the gate for their flight, dumbfounded at how they had to see the same horrible word yet again.

Cancelled.

Of course, it was snowing a little bit, but mostly flurries. The snow looked nicer than it posed a threat. And Kaidan looked like he was about to come undone. He sat himself down in a chair so he didn’t collapse, and cradled his face in his hands. 

The next flight out wasn’t until that night. It wouldn’t get them in until technically Christmas morning. Shepard kneeled between his legs and held onto him to keep him calm. When they saw that their plans were once again stunted, he didn’t even say anything this time. He just looked defeated.

“Breathe, okay?” she said, trying not to show her own disappointment.

Kaidan clutched her tighter and rested his head on top of hers. “How does this keep happening?”

“I don’t know, baby, I don’t know. But I know that we are going to be okay.”

“Shepard, this is it. There’s no other chances. We’re literally at the end of the rope here. I think we just have to accept defeat. We’re just not meant to spend Christmas Eve in Vancouver. I guess… Well, I guess there’s always next year.”

She reached for his hands. “Kaidan, we have more than just tonight, you know? We’re spending a week and a half there.”

He bit down on his lip and shook his head. “No… it just… It’s important.”

“And you still won’t tell me why?”

He didn’t reply.

“Alright, baby. Come on. Let’s figure out what our options are,” she said, helping him out of his chair.

“It seems like you two might need a shuttle pilot who isn’t afraid of a little snow,” someone said behind them.

Shepard slowly turned, and a smile spread across her face. She crossed her arms. “Perhaps, a shuttle pilot who has some experience dodging Reapers?”

Cortez smiled and saluted both of them. Shepard swore she’d never been so relieved to see a familiar face before. “I know a guy whose track record might be decent. Aside from one not so shining moment on Earth.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked.

“I got a message from James last night, letting me know that you two were stranded not too far from where I was staying, and that you needed a shuttle to Vancouver before the Major here had an aneurysm. Well… at least that’s what James said.”

“You’re staying in Chicago?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah, had some family in the area I visited for a few days, but now all the cousins are fighting and rehashing old drama, so I think I can take a reprieve to help out some old friends.”

“How are you planning on getting a shuttle?”

“Already worked out. Turns out serving with a Spectre will get you a free shuttle at some airports. Tried that one on a whim.”

Kaidan smiled and sighed. “Thank god.”

“Well, kiddos, you ready to go get some fresh maple syrup?”

Shepard reached for Kaidan’s hand and smiled. “Oh, hell yes.”

 

The shuttle set down a few hours later, and Cortez had no issues flying the shuttle through the remains of the snow. Shepard had put her focus on Kaidan for most of the trip, and noted how much happier he was now that their plans were going to be safe and exactly how he wanted them to be.

“Alright, we made it,” Cortez said over the intercom.

Shepard rose and moved to the front of the shuttle and hovered over his seat. “Steve, I can’t even tell you how much this means.”

He shrugged. “Come on, it’s no big deal. Besides, something felt wrong about not flying you two around anymore. Except it was nice to not land in a hot zone.”

Shepard smiled. “Well, when you put it that way…”

“The only thing I ask in return, though. Kaidan talked a lot when we were on the Normandy about how good his mom’s cooking was. I would like roughly one dinner, but I’ll accept more if he offers.”

Kaidan pulled their suitcases from the overhead compartments and laughed. “Deal. I think that one sounds fair.”

“Good.”

Outside of the airport, Kaidan quickly hailed a skycar to bring them to his parents place. Shepard remembered Vancouver from her time on lockup, where she spent her days looking out a window and remembering the stories Kaidan told her of growing up there and how much he’d loved living here.

Now, it was easy to see. It was also easy to see why he wanted to spend their first Christmas out of the hospital here. The skycar hovered past houses beautifully decorated in icicle lights and Christmas trees lighting up windows and doorframes as they flew by. A light coating of snow painted the ground a bright white, still so untouched and flawless. Shepard reached out and curled her fingers around Kaidan’s.

The Alenkos house was a large, open cabin-style home. Large windows taking over most of the lower level, a huge fireplace at the center of the living room. Shepard hadn’t seen a house that felt so much like a home since her own on Mindoir, almost twenty years ago now. 

And maybe it was the way that both parents rushed to the door to greet them, Mrs. Alenko grabbing both of them at the same time and squeezing hard. She gave Kaidan many kisses and cooed at him how happy she was he was home for Christmas. From what Kaidan had said, it had been some time since he’d been able to spend a Christmas home with his family.

Mrs. Alenko stepped away from him and put her hands on the side of Shepard’s face. “Oh, darling. You are so much more beautiful in person.”

She took her in for a long hug, until Kaidan cleared his throat.

“Right,” she said, “I assume you want her back.”

“That might be nice.”

“Well, come on in, loves. Your dad is finishing up dinner for us.”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “You got dad to cook?”

She nodded. “He wanted to impress you guys. I think he was nervous to have the great Commander Shepard over for dinner.”

Shepard smiled. “Well, he should know I’ve been living off military rations and hospital food for years. I think I’ll be rather pleased with whatever he’s making. Kaidan, however, might be harder to please.”

Kaidan dropped his jaw. “Wow, what does  _ that  _ mean?”

“You’re picky, baby. Hopefully he’s making steak, and all will be well.”

“I am!” Mr. Alenko chimed from the kitchen. They followed Kaidan’s mother into the kitchen, where Mr. Alenko paused carving the meat for a moment to salute Shepard.

“Oh, sir, that’s really not necessary,” she said.

“Huh… I don’t get a salute,” Kaidan said, crossing his arms.

His father smiled and did the same for his son. “There, that’s for becoming a Spectre. But I changed your diapers, so something about it feels a little wrong, kid.”

“Well, since you made my favorite dinner, I guess I’ll let you off the hook.”

 

“Your family is great,” Shepard said, holding Kaidan’s hand as he lead them up a small rocky cliffside near his house. It was quite a bit of walking, but Kaidan told his parents he was going to walk off dinner and give Shepard a little tour of the area. He took it slow, for both of them, but she would never complain. The extra time with him was nice. It was still nice to know that they could afford that privilege.

“I like them quite a bit too,” he teased.

“I haven’t had much family, aside from Anderson… and the Normandy crew of course, in a very long time. It was nice to kind of feel part of a real family though. One that I’d be part of.”

He smiled. “Of course. You’re a natural Alenko already. We’ll get you a Canucks jersey and no one would ever know the difference.”

They reached a chunk of rock they’d need to hop onto in order to reach the best view. Kaidan carefully pulled himself up, and then held a hand out for Shepard. She took his hand and let him pull her up. The top of the cliffside was flat, just a few evergreen trees growing. However, she realized very quickly what it was he wanted her to see. 

From here, the entire city, all of its lights and festivities for the holidays on display, with the water sloshing at the base of the cliff. It was beautiful, the kind of place that she could always see Kaidan coming when he needed time to think or relax. It seemed appropriate. 

“Is this technically your property?” she asked.

He took a step slightly to the left. “Eh, not anymore.”

She smiled. “Oh man, trespassing?”

“We’re Spectres. What do you really think that they’re going to do?”

“I don’t know, Kaidan. These trees look super authoritative.”

He stepped behind her and rested his head on top of hers, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her tightly. He let out a deep breath.

“God, I’m so glad we made it.”

She nodded. “Me too, baby. Me too. You know, I could get used to doing this every year.”

He laughed. “I think I could too. I’m just so happy you’re here. You have no idea.”

She felt her eyes water, just slightly. They’d lived through so much that a moment like this hardly felt like it could be real. Of course, she’d thought about it more times than she could count. Whenever things became too much or the galaxy became too loud, she would close her eyes and imagine her and Kaidan doing something like this, something as simple as taking walks together and talking, remembering how much it meant to be together.

“Shepard,” he said, turning her so that she was in his arm. A cold air blew by, and she shivered, snuggling closer to him. He’d pulled on a heavy plaid jacket before leaving, and a scarf so soft she was positive she was going to steal it at some point. He’d made sure to bundle her up in a jacket and hat as well before setting out. His cheeks were slightly wind blown and red, but all too adorable. While she had him close, she stood on her toes and kissed the tip of his nose. He scrunched his eyes closed and pulled her closer.

“There, I’m perfectly warm now.”

She smiled. “Good.”

“I love you. You know that, right?” he started, and she nodded. “More than I could ever put into words. I truly didn’t know what I was missing before I met you, and now, I could never imagine a world without you. I’ve got an entire galaxy of stars to travel and see, but you’ve always been the brightest and most beautiful star in my life. Through all the times we’ve nearly lost each other, somehow we’re still here. And somehow, our toughest jobs now tend to deal with bickering Salarians or Asari.”

Shepard laughed. “You know, it  _ is  _ tough.”

He smiled back. “You’d be right on that one. It’s a job for some real saints.”

He took her hands, holding them and glancing down at them. She watched his eyes water just slightly and he swallowed. His hands shook just slightly, but it could have very easily been the cold.

“But what I’m trying to really say here is that… I’ve lived a pretty damn good life, and I’d be all too happy if you wanted to spend the rest of it with me.”

Shepard swallowed, trying not to gasp or do anything embarrassing. However, her tears were certainly not too far off. Kaidan slowly bent down to one knee - steadying himself - and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small red box, and popped the top open. Inside was a beautiful, glittering ring. It was nice and simple, something she could absolutely see herself wearing, something he knew she would like.

“Jane, will you marry me?”

She laughed, wiping the tears that had spilled down her cheeks without even realizing it. Her eyes flooded with tears again, but she managed to nod.

“Of course I will.”

He smiled, sliding the ring onto her finger, and bit down on his lip.

“Okay, I might need a little help getting up,” he said.

She laughed again, and pulled him to his feet. “Good. How was I going to kiss you otherwise?”

She pulled him in and pressed her lips to his. She kissed him hard, knotting her fingers in his dark curls and opening her mouth to allow him to deepen their kiss. He held her so close and wiped her tears away with his thumb. 

Warm kiss after warm kiss, bodies pressed together as a new batch of snow began to fall from the sky. She pulled away for a moment and smiled. She kissed him again, sliding her tongue against his and tilting his head down to hold him. He moaned, low and seductive against her lips before stepping back. He shut his eyes and breathed her in.

“So now I know why you were acting like such a lunatic…”

He laughed. “Well… yeah.”

She smiled and kissed his nose. “It’s okay. I think I can forgive it.”

He looked down at her ring, where her hand was resting against his chest. He sighed and held her hand close.

“Are all of our Christmases going to be this eventful?”

“Well,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I guess we are lucky enough to have time to figure that out, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

He stepped away and took her hands. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

She blushed. “Merry Christmas to you too, future Mr. Shepard.”

He shook his head and bit down on his lip. “You know, maybe I’d be able to live with that. Come on, baby. Let’s head back. My mom is probably waiting to hear if you said yes.”

Shepard took his hand as he began to lead them back. “I couldn’t imagine saying anything else.”


End file.
